论PI的调养

“When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will
sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.” (Alan Watts)


1. 调心

当个PI是个独立性很强的工作，要承担很大的压力和风险。不干这行的人，哪怕是身为
薄后的“准PI”们，也是难以体会到的。我几乎可以说，每当一个PI出了chronic的问
题，至少有50%以上有精神上的原因。

人很少真的是因为纯粹的累垮下的，很多时候夹杂了担忧，想要尽快改变某种状况，或
者frustration，努力得不到应有的回报。最累的是耗心，其次是耗神，最后才是耗力
。曾听一个美国老师说，她看过一个介绍，东方父母赞美孩子，喜欢夸聪明，而美国父
母赞扬的更多的是hardworking。她认为后者是更合适的，鼓励的应该是行为，而不要
太在意成果。不过楼主还是认为应该在意成果的，否则自己也不会满意。不过这种成果
是客观的对进展的评定，不能完全用回报来衡量。”If you want to live a happy 
life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” ~ Albert Einstein 简单说
来，就是要看自己能够掌握的部分。一个人无论做任何事，如果喜怒哀乐最终掌握在别
人手里，就算喜都是暂时的，从长远看一定不是好事。（这个道理同样适用于怨妇。）
对苦逼专业的PI来说，现在的形势实在艰难。Frustrated的时候，看看如果是没有足够
投入和进展，自责是应该的。但如果各方面都已经进了力了，要定时在精神上给予自己
正确的肯定。

这种self-evaluation一定要定期做，倒并不完全是为自己开脱。有时回头一看，自己
这个阶段确实有些问题，要及时改善。注意，这里的调心不是只做positive的鉴定。有
时候你之所以心慌，之所以无所适从，并不是因为成果，而是因为自己某些方面确实存
在问题而又不愿意面对，但潜意识知道是无从逃避的。这个时候正视问题的存在，老老
实实承认自己的失误，反而会有“定心丸”的作用。举个例子，你的proposal被
reviewers狠批一顿，你就来到买买提上，大大数落了一下这些评审员的无知和刻薄，
网友也支持了你一番。完了把proposal扔到一边，高兴了吗？不会。你还是郁闷。其实
这时最好的办法就是虚心把comments滤一边，没道理的就划掉，有道理的就承认这个我
确实没写好。这样做完了不会让心情更糟，反而能平静下来，该干啥干啥去。

2. 调情

你看你，又庸俗了吧？这里的“情”不是你想的那个意思啦！这里说的是情调，情趣。
都说人该有个爱好，爱好不分贵贱，是真的enjoy就好，比如打牌钓鱼。但一种爱好如
果能同时带来成就感，有进步的potential，就更值得培养。比如当自己事业上遇到挫
折，去种种花草，或者来买买提骂架，固然可以放松怡情，但潜意识里还是难以摆脱
loser的阴影。如果你搞的是绘画，虽然不是主业，但断断续续的进步，尤其是得到行
业一定认可时，对自己的能力是种正面的肯定，这种爱好对事业也有鼓励的成分 ，而
不仅是逃避。

对我来说，高雅乐趣好过低俗乐趣的原因，不是因为它高雅，而是它有更大的发展空间
，甚至理论基础，能越挖越深，越攀越高，还可以让你和很多这方面的杰出人物神交（
杰出人物能带给我们的通常不仅仅是一项技艺的提升）。而轻易可以掌握的乐趣，做久
了就成了重复，乐也就没了。

3. 调食

以前谈过谷物的妙用，就不重复了。
http://www.mitbbs.com/article/Faculty/31725415_3.html
这里介绍几款滋补饮食，都是切身实践。
甜酒酿枸杞汤。水开后倒入酒酿，几分钟后加入打散鸡蛋，关火后再放枸杞。无论冬夏
都很滋补，又简单。
南瓜干瑶柱尾龙骨汤。就是这三样慢炖就行了，补钙（注，楼主从不服食维生素）。
猴头菇乌鸡汤，养胃。随着年龄增大，各种粥也要多食。
楼主office抽屉里常备黑芝麻山药等饮品。零食已逐渐从多糖膨化食品转为红枣龟苓膏
之类。常食鲜桂圆（这是给女人补血的吧？这话说的，男人体内没血吗？）。

楼主认为，伤风感冒严重时，如果吃些西药片，固然最后能好，但好了也觉得伤寒弱。
楼主的秘方是生姜，红糖，加葱白连须，水开后煮十分钟。前两样很多人都知道，比如
LD病了，有时非要自己搞，又懒，就省了最后一项，结果总是不如楼主的方子管用。把
葱去掉绿色，一定要连着根放进去。靠这个治好的，没有觉得那么体弱。


4. 调体

先说下，楼主是从来都不锻炼的。不是不想，而是白天上班，回家马上给两娃缠住，没
有时间。楼主调节的方式是偶尔静坐。隔壁贴里有人提过，但没引起注意，因为没试过
的人不相信它的好处。很多人说，累了睡觉不就完了吗？佛教认为，凡人的精神总是处
在两种境界，散乱或者昏沉。白天被纷繁的刺激搞得心智杂散，睡着了虽然可以休息，
但其实是回到了混沌未开化的境地，达不到洗涤精神的目的。静坐是有意识的排除杂念
，坐得好的，绝对比睡同样时间的觉更养神养体，而且真正入定，几小时一晃而过（楼
主还未达到这个程度），出定时的感觉就是电池充饱了。

那有人说，静坐的姿势俺们不懂啊！楼主年幼功夫浅时，是很注意姿势的。当然，标准
的姿势包括手的摆放是利于气脉流通的。近些年已不再刻意，坐着就行，但有几个要点
。背尽量直，头尽量直，因为这是种“积极”的放松。最好能舌尖顶上腭，“生津”。
杂念来了不怕，让它自然走掉就是了。如果困了，不要硬坐，赶快睡觉去。

再说下另一“掉零件”帖的问题。养生要尽量自然，也就是夏天少空调风扇，热了出些
汗其实没有什么。冬天暖气开小些，尤其睡觉，冷一点才好。比如说你站在高楼大窗前
，一阵巨风吹来，虽然冷些，也不会难受。但一个小小的风扇或者冷气孔，吹一会儿就
开始关节痛（尤其是肩，肘，头）。我不是学触觉的，但我的理论是我们的身体不喜欢
constant sensory input。

Speak Like an Administrator

“I write as straight as I can, just as I walk as straight as I can, because that is the best way to get there.” ~ H.G. Wells

1. Get to your point, quickly

Have you ever heard the following speech?

“I have some suggestions. You might have heard me talking about this. It’s not completely related, but, it’s similar to what John said, that is, if we ever want to reach our goal, I’m not saying we aren’t on the right track, but given what we have been doing, my point is, is it even feasible to believe that, well, of course everybody may have his own way of judging our performance, but, realistically, say, if you are an outsider, and you are asked to assess our progress …”

Okay, maybe not the exact sentences, but you’ve heard something similar, most likely from lab technicians or staff, who speak with their arms and hands fumbling around to help express their opinions. This type of indirect and uncertain speeches is not uncommon in our daily life, but should be avoided for a PI, especially in formal meetings. It wastes your listeners’ time. It can easily get you redirected to other topics, and you may never have a second chance to come back and address your original point. In fact, after all the distractions, you may not even remember what you were going to say in the first place.

Often, people circle round and round before they get to the point because they don’t want to offend anybody, or to challenge an existing system. They move forward a little bit, then immediately back up, or they divert to something else. They seem to speak complete sentences, but when you examine the meaning, halfway it’s changed to something else. This kind of verbal style reflects the speaker’s lack of confidence and compromises his authority. There is cowardice inside and out.

That’s why we rarely hear such speeches from high-level administrators, like your dean. Note that this is not to say that we have to speak in an absolutely straightforward way. For example, when you criticize someone’s approach, simply saying that “Your solution will help alleviate some of the concerns, but the major issue remains.” is polite enough. There’s no need to overly elaborate, “Yes, I could see your point. I guess you are right, considering the situation, that it would have been nice if we could …”

A competent administrator knows to stick to the subject; otherwise he won’t get anything done. Sometimes they get carried away briefly, but they always know to go back to the topic and tie up loose ends. When someone can control his own thoughts and behaviors, there is a higher chance for him to control others.

2. Finish your sentences

An even worth habit than not getting to the point is not finishing sentences. They say the first half of the sentence, they spread out their hands or shrug their shoulders, and then either move on to the next sentence or add quickly, “You know what I mean?”, leaving the listeners to fill the blank. Occasionally, this might be the best strategy to handle a tough situation, but most of the time, a PI, or a higher educator, should try to talk in complete structures.

This may particularly be an issue for non-native speakers. Sometimes we have difficulty finding the right words, and we simply give up, knowing that people will figure out what we are trying to say. Still, it’s safer to be explicit. Tell your students what’s not allowed, and what’s expected. Leave no room for misinterpretations. Some people’s excuse is, “I don’t want to say something wrong. By being vague, I can make sure that nobody can use my words to accuse me later.” Well, you are a PI. It’s better to be a responsible person who makes wrong choices, than to develop a sly personality.

3. Show that you are educated

I once worked with a vet who was also a high-level admin in the medical school. Every time there was a meeting involving him, I would fly over to listen to his speech. His sentences were beautifully constructed, with sophisticated and accurate word choices. Some of us may say, “That’s too hard for non-native speakers.” It may not be as hard has you have imagined, if you consciously work on it.

They key is to think about what you want to say before you open your mouth. Even for native speakers, when they are pressured to respond fast, they are less likely to speak well. As non-native speakers, we have all suffered, when we first came to this country, the embarrassment of not being able to articulate promptly. As a negative effect, later we tend to err on the other extreme, which is to respond prematurely, before we have given the question the thought it deserves. We should learn to take our time. Don’t be afraid that the listeners may lose their patience. Taking time to plan for what we are going to say and how we say it does not waste as much their time as talking on and on without hitting the point. If we observe the conversations around us, we could find that impatience occurs more often when the speaker is unable to “shut up”.

Okay, we all agree that content matters. Why do we care about how well it is narrated? First, it affects how people judge us. For example, right after I came to this country, my Ph.D. advisor told me, “If you need to contact researchers in our field, let me look at your email first. People in this country tend to link grammatical errors to low education, which is really unfair for foreigners.” Unfair, but that’s the reality. Since then, I’ve always treated email communication as a serious thing unless I was in a rush. Second, words have power. “Language is neither innocent nor neutral. Linguistic habits condition our view of the world and hinder social change.” (Carmen Martinez Ten)

If you write well, then you have the ability to speak well, by allowing yourself time to organize your words (and your thoughts) and speak slowly.

4. Avoid rush decisions

The only thing that’s worse than a rush response is a rush decision. Having been a student and trainee for two decades, we are too eager to please others, when we should have taken more time, “off line”, to weight the pros and cons. Unfortunately, the transition from a trainee to a PI is something that can be learned but cannot be taught. We learn to think carefully before making any commitment only after multiple lessons. Last year I always said, “Sure, you can work in my lab.” This year I tended to say, “Sure, we can talk about it.”

Believe me, in the years ahead, you’ll find that the time spent pondering on your decisions always pays off.

The "Right" Amount of Social Media

"Part of being creative is learning how to protect your freedom. That includes freedom from avarice." ~ Hugh Macleod

I don't watch news anymore.

I know, that sounds silly, especially from a college professor. Shouldn't every human being living in the modern world care about what are happening around them? That seems to be an argument hard to dispute. If I were younger I wouldn't have been strong enough to say otherwise.

Before I had my first child, yes, I watched news everyday. By the way, I watched movies, and I played computer games. (I never ever occupied myself with cell phones, though; I'm still using a dumb phone). Even during the time both my husband and I were occupied by a baby, we still tried to catch up with the world. Now if I tell you, I don't have time for that, you may say, you can't work all the time. Right, every day after work, I do have certain time to spend at my discretion, but I want to save it for something more meaningful, something more important to me.

News are about others, unless we are celebrities. I care about other people, and I care about mankind, which is often a theme in my books. Meanwhile, I'm approaching 40. However optimistic, there are only that many years left ahead of me. I have a demanding day job, and I love it. Apart from that, I'd like to see something staying and growing with time, such as more books on Amazon and more readers following my books. And there are only that many hours each day.

Time is not the only reason for me to cut from social media. How many happy news do you watch every day? Scientific discoveries might be the only exception. The majority is about tragedies, and I'm a sentimental person. It simply messes up my mind, disturbing my writing as well as my work. It makes me feel that I live in a world that lacks security. Bad things can happen to me at any time. Well, that's not untrue, but it makes harder for us to live a happy life with that notion in our minds.

Even forums that are highly related to work and writing can be disturbing, because we are constantly comparing ourselves with others. Yes, there are a lot of writers, a lot of researchers ahead of us, but they are also in the senior and established stages of their lives. Everything has a beginning. We learn from people who can serve as our role models, but that exposure has to be limited so that we don't intimidate ourselves at the same time.

During the five years I wrote my first novel, The Starlight Fortress, I had no contact with any of those forums. I didn't refresh my Amazon Author Page every few minutes to find out how many more sales had been generated. I didn't wake up at midnight fretting about work unfinished. I simply wrote the story at night. I simply conducted research during the day. I might have been slow, but the progress was steady. There was little disturbance, and rarely did I blame myself. Why should I? I was working hard, doing the correct things, and that should be satisfactory enough.

We get so many goodies from the social media. I love it, but I also know that too much sugar will ruin a cake. Everything has to be the right amount. As technology develops, we could safely predict that the amount of social information will continue to explode. Shall we let others determine what we do, what we think, and how we feel? Shall we let a few high-tech companies choose our lifestyles? I know what I want, and make choices for my life.

The Power of Multiple Point of Views

In fiction, the Point of View (POV) determines whose mind and eyes you choose to perceive and observe a story. Novice writers tend to write in a single POV, which provides intimacy and consistency. However, if you have the skill to use multiple POVs, it can bring you great advantages.

1. Multiple POVs speed up the story. No matter how busy your protagonist is, he or she can only do that many things in a day. There will be ups and downs, and readers really don't need to know all the details. Of course, you can leave out the boring moment (and you should!), but a better way to handle this is to switch to a different POV during the main character's down time. Normally, stories with multiple POVs will have more actions and a faster pace, which is preferred by "the modern impatient readers".

2. Multiple POVs allow you more freedom in telling the story. For example, in my latest book, STRANDS, there is a teenage girl who knows little about space, just as some of the readers. Then when she gets exposed to novel ideas such as neutron stars and dark matter, she can ask for clarifications. This way, scientific background necessary for readers to follow the story can be introduced in live conversations, rather than info-dumping. She can be surprised by the sheer mass of black holes. She can wonder "What if I run on the surface of a neutron star?" She can also observe the main character and make comment on his action. Sometimes you may want to hide certain information regarding a character, or you may even want to mislead the readers to believe otherwise. This can be easily achieved by switching to the POV of another character.

3. Multiple POVs make it easier for you to portrait the characters. When a character appears, of course you can, and should, describe his/her physical look. But when you do it too much, especially when you add too many subjective judgments, it feels unnatural. This will not be an issue when you are speaking from another character's view. You can even beef it up by adding discrepancies between your, the author's, description, and a character's description. This way you can reveal valuable information about the personality of the observing character, and his/her relationship with the other character. Then you can let the other character describe the appearance of the first character.

4. Multiple POVs create drama and contrast. If you write solely from the view of a busy husband, it is difficult for readers to grasp the loneliness of his wife, although this can be a desired effect sometimes. You can write about the cocktail party held in the husband's company, followed by resentment of the wife who's left alone right before the husband enters home. Or about the husband as a successful worker, and a grudging co-worker who plans to bring him done. Now here you have to be careful in choosing the amount of "overlap" between the events experienced by individual characters. Normally, to keep things going, you don't want any overlap. In rare occasions, when two characters have drastically different views of the same event, you can have some overlap, but remember, you have to keep the ball rolling or readers will be tired reading the same thing twice.

Okay, just one last tip: do not jump from head to head too frequently. Stay with a fixed POV at least throughout a scene, and better throughout a chapter, unless the location is changed. For short stories, I try to end them with the POVs that I started with. It adds a feeling of completeness.

Faculty随想

By :Fiona Rawsontile
Blog: http://fionarawsontile.blogspot.com/


(之前以读后感的形式写过如何当PI的英文版。现在写个中文版来玩玩，写得比较俗，算是dirty tips吧。)

1.  有老板的样

这里的样指的不是外貌，不是说要帅或者漂亮。拿《无间道》里的曾志伟来说吧，一堆人中数他个儿最矮，嗓子最哑。样子即使不是最丑，在梁刘陈等顶级帅哥的映衬下也可想而知了。但无论他是站是坐还是吃盒饭（还是把盒饭掀地下）的时候，一眼望去都有大佬的气场，没有人会怀疑。

这里不是说大家应该把自己整的跟黑帮老大一样。学者当然最好有文质彬彬的气质。曾经见过过于圆滑的PI，八面玲珑，让人觉得像个商人或政客，也不好。但现在的PI和古代独善其身的学者也不一样。管理学生，上课，出去讲座，在学校上至领导下至维修工电脑部的各种人员都要打交道。有个该有的样，他们会更把你的话当话。这并不是说要严肃，摆架子，相反，可以做到很和蔼，很有礼貌，但在关键问题上坚持原则。阎王好见，小鬼难缠。过于刻板，会给人小鬼的印象。

先从找工作面试说起。假设你是search committee成员，来面试的人感觉不像你的同事，倒跟来你lab应聘的学生感觉差不多，你就不能不担心他能否独当一面。当然谁都有起步的时候，大家也都懂得要扶植junior同事。但不管怎么说，干哪一行，行为举止一眼望去就该有干那一行的共性。对我来说，教育工作者最明显的特点是讲话慢而清晰，用词恰当，语调抑扬顿挫。由于我们是非母语，很多同胞讲话刻意追求流利，怕讲慢了让人认为自己英语不好。其实不管在哪个国家，讲话快（除了电视节目主持人等一些职业需要）是地位低，没有自信的表现。生怕对方听得不耐烦。作为一个大学faculty，讲起话来若是和电话客服那样迅速模糊是不行的。一定要清晰，音量也不能过低，才像个老师。你不是个research scientist，不是干好自己研究就行了。

除了讲话速度，要resist the temptation of repeating。你重复越多，越絮叨，你的话就越没分量。我们经常听某些太太数落老公，“讲了他一百遍了，就是不听！”为啥不听？讲太多遍了呗！你把自己给trivialize 了。你这个人总共就是这么个weight，重复不能增加总值，只能加大分母，降低单句话的分量。（另外，干一件事十次没结果就该打住了，还又干多了九十遍，怨谁呀？）Gone with the Wind 里斯嘉丽的妈妈是温柔寡言的大家闺秀，她的每句话都被子女和仆人当成圣旨。爸爸整天大呼小叫，却没有人把他当回事儿。这里的门道值得好好琢磨。

2. 气量

虽说faculty不能拿黑帮老大做榜样，凡是当“老板”的，其实还是有诸多共性的。比如观察本版不同ID发言，就能大概猜出谁是老板，谁是干了多年的成功老板。他不会一触即跳。你如果损他两句，他一笑了之。为什么？因为他的是非功过已经有社会来评定了。说句不好听的，你的意见微不足道。

“揽错上身”也是很多领导人的共性。比如一个黑帮老大去找另一个老大，说，你有个马仔打伤我手下，怎么办吧？如果对方说，完全与我无关，拉出来任你处置，那就完了，就孤家寡人了。应该说，是我平日管教无方，我自会好好训诫他。现在兄弟我给你道个歉，看我薄面，今日姑且放过他如何？这里说的是个责任问题。你是“负责人”，凡属你管辖之内，谁的错都是你的错。学生如果实验失败，即便不是你选错课题，是他把好课题搞砸了，也是你监管不力；哪怕他偷懒，也是你识人不智在先。得有这个气量，才能服众，才会源源不断有人来你这里工作。Unfortunately，有些老板不仅做不到“揽错上身”，本来是他的idea，学生照做而已。做成了，固然大大嘉奖；失败了，全推到学生身上。真是与“德高望重”渐行渐远了。

好老板不是不犯错误的老板。相反，由于经常要做决定，而且很多是重要决定，所以犯的错可能比谁都多，都严重。如果是犯了自大的毛病，听不进良言或无视事实，就应该好好反省。但如果已经尽了应尽的努力，比如idea看起来是很promising的，没做出来，无论损失如何惨重，挥挥手忘记就行了。无论如何，都是自己的决定，愿赌服输，不能怨天尤人。要能容人，也要能容几。“做都做了，难不成要我跳楼？”该干嘛干嘛去。

3. 原则与妥协

前面提了下关于坚持原则的问题。很多领导人小事上不拘小节，不会按照条条框框卡人。不会说，你怎么多休了两天假？周末补回！平日看来很随和，一旦到了关键是非问题上，却绝不含糊。比如学生乱写实验笔记，忘了给动物吃饭，遇到这些有重大隐患的问题，要严肃处理。

有时候跟同事或者行政人员，在利益上有争执，negotiation是一定要的。大多数同胞都是比较和善的，都不喜欢斤斤计较，容易息事宁人。其实不要把这当成自己跟人“闹矛盾”。哪行都是资源有限，僧多粥少。别打憷，坐下来谈，谈一遍不行再谈。既要考虑对方利益，自己也不能无底线退让。今天要是谈不成，晚上回去照吃照睡，当成正常工作的一部份。negotiation其实是有他的好处的，目的是使有限资源得以最大利用。这么想。

4. Optimistic vs. realistic

这其实是从书（At the Helm）里看来的，不过当时没有在英文读后感里写。作为Leader的精神状态对组里其他人影响是不可低估的。是，现在funding的整体状况是前所未有的糟糕，但如果整天挂在脸上，唉声叹气，那学生就会跟八戒一样老想着分行李了。还是那就话，正常生活中的一部分。We are made to take pressures.

说点题外话，抱怨这个东西，对人际关系（无论和谁）都没有好处。你要有个同事老来你这里诉苦，慢慢你就想躲着他了，觉得他在浪费你时间。有些PI压力大，一回家就跟配偶诉苦。也有相反的情况，配偶因为要负担沉重的家庭琐事，牢骚满腹。无论是哪一方，偶尔说两句就行了，不要以为是一家人对方就会无限度容忍你。久病床前无孝子，大家都喜欢和健康高兴幽默乐观有激情的人相处。困难时期更是这样。偶尔垂泪，让人回味；哭哭啼啼，众叛亲离。

一方面，PI对整个lab的morality起到主导作用，一个出众的PI甚至可以影响很多人的人生选择（我就是一路给好多人改来改去改成现在这样的）。但这是不可强求的。你说过的话，如果关系学术integrity和实验室前途的，要保证大家记住，照办，这种影响力要有。但其他一些方面，尤其关于个人选择的，对于他们究竟肯听进多少，你能不能改变这个人，最好要有一个realistic的认识。最近老公跟我说，你看，XX这个职业不是比当大学老师好多了？我说那你就放手去干啊！做人就是这样，自己觉得什么好自己做去，别过高估计自己对他人的影响。配偶，子女，更不用说学生了，没人听你的，认了吧！话说回来，你自己就听自己的了吗？你昨晚说，今天不上网，把proposal写完。你写了吗？

5. 传道授业解惑

最后说些正经的吧！之前的帖子很多人说宁肯给高中捐款不给大学捐，因为和大学老师没感情。站在大学生的角度想一想，他们看起来是一堆成人了，其实心智还很不成熟。初次离家要应付很多新问题。不光是国际学生，我辅导过的问题学生有的父母就在本市，但很多问题不是家庭能帮他们的，只能靠他们自己的力量来解决，比如与人相处问题。经常记住他们还是一群大小孩。

现在到处鼓励classroom innovations，有一点要注意的是，对于任何新花样，开始时大家通常会有多少抵触。所以实行之前，跟大家讲清楚原因，这样做的好处是什么，会减少很多情绪。甚至连不能迟交作业的问题，都可以说一句，这样做是为你们好啊！否则全堆到最后，每门都要考试，你们吃不消呀！无论任何rule，摆个道理出来，哪怕他们不认同这个道理，但至少觉得这个老师是个“讲道理的人”，就会容易多了。

传道授业解惑，很多大学老师只做到了授业。要传道的话，必须要了解学生，有沟通。这里的道，指的是帮助他们培养正确的学习态度，引发他们对这个领域，甚至整个自然科学，人文科学的兴趣。解惑，就更要建立信任感，否则他们有事不会来问你。上一门课跟平常给个research seminar是不一样的。你是老师，是主导，不是闷头把该讲的都cover就完成任务了。从学期开始到结束，下面的学生大概是什么进度，什么情绪，他们之前是否接触过相关的内容，都有个数。这门课如果和industry有关，可以在学期开始把很多公司招聘的要求列出来。你们看看，将来你们的工作就是干这个那个的，现在把原理搞清楚了，以后轻松又干得好，否则就是混进去了也累。这样他们就有积极性了，就不会觉得“都是给老师学的”了。我们系有五年本硕连读的项目，我现在这门课的学生刚好处在应该尽快提出申请的阶段。我就在课堂上花时间跟他们讲讲项目的好处，申请程序，甚至申请外校研究生院的问题。我们这些过来人，这类经验教训有的是，对他们可能帮助很大。其实也就是十几分钟。甚至连系里组织picnic这些事，也可以在课始课尾提一句，大家记得来啊！几秒钟，你就像个“班主任”了，不再只是个lecturer了。

经常见人抱怨有故意找茬的学生。单从谁对谁错上来讲，这些学生肯定有不对的地方。但任何一门课都要考核，很容易把老师放在和学生对立的位置上。要是再过于严肃刻板，又没有交流，让学生觉得你就是来挑刺儿的，自然容易生事儿。其实老师应该是个helper，是来帮助大家学知识的。不是对头，是同盟。作业，考试，都是手段，不是目的。不要老想着不能给学生“占便宜”。其实怎么叫占便宜，谁又能占到谁便宜了？将来他们毕业的时候，脑袋里记着你教过的知识，你说过的话，甚至很多年之后想起曾经有过这么一个老师，苦口婆心教导过自己，关心过自己，这就是最大的便宜，这种便宜要多给。

啰嗦够了，就此打住吧！

（插入作者高妹/Fiona的话：向大家推荐我正在连载的玄幻---武打---佛道---言情故事《魅羽活佛》，晋江链接：http://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=4880087  故事简介：鬼道中的魇荒门，七个师姐妹都以绝世美颜著称。然而这次的任务中，二弟子魅羽却要化作一个中年油腻肥秃僧，卷入佛国、道门，和修罗界的斗争. 还要让咱们古往今来文采武功都称霸天下的帅哥活佛，对她一见倾心，矢志不渝。）

[相声]一级调查员

A: 最近去你店里吃饭，怎么没见你掌勺啊？

B: 俺不是给调到FBI当调查员去了嘛！

A: 你能当调查员？

B: 你小瞧人了是吧？炒菜只是俺的爱好，俺原本是个练家子。

A: 是吗？你本事哪儿学的？

B: 四川厨艺学院。

A: 这是学武的地方吗？

B: 你没看周星驰的《食神》吗？四川厨艺学院就是少林寺的厨房。

A: 是这样。那你正式拜了老师吗？

B: 开始也就是跟着众人胡乱学了学。后来发现了自己的天赋，决定去避风塘拜师。

A: 瞧去的这地方。

B: 我老师那可厉害了。他当年凭着一招龙虎斗和一招走地鸡打遍大江南北，人送外号罗汉果。

A: 真够气派的！

B: 我们师徒一家个顶个儿的。大师兄叫葵花子，二师兄叫狮子头。师娘更厉害，人称铁观音。

A: 都是吃的。

B: 后来来到美国，一时就业没有着落，才暂时去中餐馆炒菜。

A: 干回老本行了。

B: 结果也巧了，有次FBI追捕疑犯闯入餐厅，我小露两手，就给挖了去了。

A: 合他们的口味。

B: 去了不到一年，就帮他们办了多起要案。同事们尊敬我，给起了个外号。

A: 叫什么呀？

B: 你还记得周星驰当特工那部电影吗？

A: 国产007？

B: 没错，锅铲007。

A: 你都办了些什么案呀？

B: 先是追踪墨西哥来的大毒枭。什么先进技术都使上了，就是抓不住真凭实据。

A: 那你能做些什么呀？

B: 我有轻功啊，跟踪人那是强项。

A: 这可不简单！

B: 记得当时我们包围了大毒枭的住所，知道他就在里面跟手下谈生意。五尺高的围墙，我噌！一个佛跳墙就翻进去了，落地无声。

A: 这围墙还可以建高点儿。

B: 进去之后没走几步，运气不好，碰上了巡逻的。还没等他出声，我一招红焖猪手，将他打晕在地。

A: 好身手！

B: 来到窗户下，我侧耳倾听。不听则已，听了真是气不打一处来。

A: 怎么了？

B: 要不怎么说叫毒枭呢？牛奶里加三聚氰胺，炸薯条的油用了一个星期都不换，汉堡里夹的是变味的鸡肉。

A: 这毒枭开快餐店的？

B: 就在这时，我干了一件你肯定想不到的事 。

A: 什么事？

B: 007得有个007的谱。我从怀中掏出一瓶酒和一个玻璃杯，给自己斟满一杯。。。

A: 红酒？

B: 料酒。

A: 那是想不到。

B: 总之，他们的对话都被我录下来了。后来又一想，还得拍个照才行，有声有色才赖不了账。

A: 有道理。

B: 毒枭虽在一楼谈话，但窗户很高，不过这难不倒我。我脚一使劲儿，来了招蚂蚁上树。

A: 听着熟悉。

B: 蹲在大树上，屋内一切尽收眼底。大毒枭长了一身咕噜肉，起码三百斤重，身边陪着个麻辣姬丝，正在吃外卖呢。拍了两张照，我又气不打一处来。

A: 又怎么了？

B: 这谁家做的回锅肉？肥油都没煸出来。

A: 你就别操这心了。

B: 现在录音也有了，照片也在我手中。还等什么？赶紧回去交差吧。结果刚一下树，碰上个拿枪的。

A: 这可了不得！

B: 咱不怕！我一个水晶凤爪将他的枪夺过来。然后抽出腰中菜刀，给他来了个刀削面。

A: 够狠的。

B: 他见斗我不过，张嘴要喊人。我一把捏住他喉咙，从围裙兜里掏了个东西出来，塞到他嘴里，立刻出不了声了。

A: 什么呀？

B: 粽子。

A: 是够噎人的。

B: 忽听背后脚步声响，我扭头一看，大毒枭带着人出来了！

A: 那怎么办？

B: 我连忙起身，从怀里掏出一把暗器，顺手一扬。趁毒枭们捡暗器的时候，我翻墙而出。

A: 你等等，毒枭们为什么要捡暗器呀？

B: 我扔的是Fortune cookies呀！

A: 毒枭们就这点儿出息。除此之外，你还办过什么案呀？

B: 还有个案跟一个发考题同胞有关。传说代号叫WSN的。

A: 你确定那是他代号？为啥抓他呀？

B: 起先是他lab里一个懂中文的老美告密，说听见他打电话时说最想要的是F-16。

A: 战斗机呀！

B: 后来又听他说，靠着老干爹，大伙儿就都发了。

A: 是有点儿诡异。

B: 说起来，这同胞我再熟悉不过了。是我同乡，王三儿，原先挺老实的小伙子，怎么会干这个？所以我一定要加入调查，免得给人冤枉了他。

A: 你倒是好心。

B: 我想既然是电话露的陷，就从监听电话开始吧。听了几个月也没听出什么来。

A: 那就证明没有问题。

B: 我也是这么想的呀，可同事认为我办事不力，连外号都给改了。

A: 改成什么了？

B: 难产007。

A: 是不好听。

B: 就在这时，同乡要回国，说是做报告去。头头说，正好我是华人，跟着不碍眼，就派我去了。

A: 看出疑点了吗？

B: 还真看出来了。你说他既然是去做报告，干嘛不拿手提电脑？

A: 可能人家就是怕被怀疑数据外泄。

B: 报告我也偷偷去听了，说的倒都是能公开说的东西。

A: 你听得懂吗？

B: 他是研究食品安全的。

A: 你在行。

B: 后来我一路跟踪到酒店，终于发现可疑形迹了！在他进入酒店没多久，一打扮成农民样子的老头，提着个大黑箱子，鬼鬼祟祟进入了他的客房，片刻后出来，箱子不见了。

A: 送外卖的？

B: 我就干这行的我能不知道吗？送外卖有不要箱子的吗？

A: 有道理。

B: 我痛心呀！我心说三儿呀，三儿呀，原来人家没冤枉你呀！我也不管什么身份不身份了，推门进去。

A: 他什么反应啊？

B: 他正在桌旁吃东西，看见我一愣，你怎么来了？快过来，咱老家的石榴，一块儿吃吧！

A: 这怎么回事儿？

B: 我一琢磨明白了。我们乡里有个来福镇，盛产石榴。

A: 这么个F-16啊！

B: 然后又从桌子上拿起个玻璃瓶对我说，你来的正好，帮我们尝尝，能卖得好吗？

A: 什么呀？

B: 我一看瓶子商标：老干爹辣椒酱。

A: 都是误会！那你们FBI不是白忙活了？

B: 也不叫白忙活。太平盛世要不找点儿事干，我不又得回去掌勺了吗？

（鞠躬）

推荐相声：天外飞仙
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