相声 【BSO】

B: 两年不见了，怎么愁眉苦脸的？
A: 唉，事事不顺呀！
B: 是吗？都什么事儿啊？
A: 都不知道从哪儿说起了！先说学生吧，我lab小，两年就带了这一个博士生。
B: 最近funding难拿，我也就俩。
A: 开始先让他搞stem cell，结果学了半天也不上道。气得我做stem cell的博后说，
不教了！自生自灭去。
B: 你还有博后啊？
A: 想来想去，叫他做人机界面吧。
B: 你做的还挺广的。
A: 结果做人机界面的博后说忙，没空带。我又找到做cancer的博后，问他 … 
B: 你等等，你几个博后呀？
A: 十二个。
B: 十二个博后？（冲观众：）我这还安慰他呢！
A: 最后没辙，还好我的Research Assistant Professor接了。两年下来，倒也把这孩
子给调教出来了。
B: 有这种RAP真好！
A: 是呀，也该知足了。老头一个，做事认真不含糊，就是有些罗嗦。
B: 老头都罗嗦。
A: 整天说我应该这样，不应该那样，什么他当上院士之前，他的lab可不是 …
B: 你等等，院士来给你当RAP呀？
A: 退休了，闲着也是闲着。
B: 那也不能这么个头衔吧？
A: 我也是这么想的呀！我一早就去跟Dean提过了，但Dean不给换title.
B: 这你不能直接找Dean，应该先和你们Chair谈。
A: 我是先跟我自己谈了下。
B: 喔，你当上chair了呀？恭喜！Dean怎么说的呀？
A: Dean说，这个嘛，按我们院的规定，RAP至少要干满五年才能升title。她不能开这
个先例。
B: 这也太刻板了！
A: 我说，这人不是情况特殊吗？结果Dean冲我一瞪眼，怎么？晚上想跪键盘是吧？
B: 你们Dean怎么这么讲话呀？
A: 习惯了。她是那什么 … 拙荆。
B: Dean是你老婆啊？
A: 我早劝她别干这得罪人的活，家里也不差她那份工资。
B: （冲观众）他挣得比Dean还多呐！
A: 总之RAP还不错，但lab manager是个白人大妈，就整天不务正业。
B: 这可不行，得跟她谈谈。
A: 哪敢跟她谈呀？一见面就跟我抱怨。说每天来上班，一进邮箱就一二百封求职信。
B: 求什么职？
A: 想来我这儿当博后的。
B: 怪不得有十二个呢！
A: 她得先来遍初选，挑差不多的再按照具体的expertise给lab已有的博后过目。最后
才提交到我这儿。她现在连中国的百家姓都快倒背如流了。
B: 不如成立个Search Committee算了。你们招人都看什么条件呀？
A: 也就是毕业院校，成绩，口语写作。当然外貌也要通过一定底线。
B: 至少要看得过去。
A: 男的至少要看得过去，女的就一定要看不过去。
B: 为啥呀？
A: 不知道，Dean定的规矩。
B: 看来牛人的老婆还是得有份工作。
A: 后来我跟那lab manager说，你实在顾不过来，就找building manager帮忙算了。
B: 这恐怕沾不着边吧？
A: 没啥，都是自己lab的人。
B: Building manager怎么是你lab的？
A: 我因为项目越做越多，整天问学校要space。后来学校烦了，干脆在旁边给我盖了个
小楼。
B: 一人一座楼啊！不如独立出去开个私立学校算了。
A: 别瞎说！拉赞助的事儿八字还没一撇呢。
B: 看来真有这想法。那这么多博后，都能独当一面，你可省心了吧？
A: 省什么心啊！每个来了过不了一两年，就又走了。
B: 干得不高兴？
A: 不是，是都找到发考题的工作了。
B: 这lab的名声算是打出去了。
A: 总之是举步维艰呐！这不最近又遇上不顺心的事儿了嘛！
B: 又怎么了？
A: Grant给据了，还是精心准备的R01。
B: 呦，这可真让人伤心。Summary Statements出来了吗？
A: 出来了。不看还好，看了没把人气死！各项都是1分，三个reviewers都说这项目影
响大，前景好，preliminary数据拾掇拾掇就可以发Nature了。可就因为一句negative
的评语，决定无论如何都不给我R01。
B: 这太过份了。什么评语呀？
A: 说，你两年内都拿了六个了，还让不让别人活了？
B: 不给就对了！
（鞠躬）

相声【招学生】

A: 最近没见你上网。忙什么呢？
B: 写毕业论文。
A: 你写那个干什么？
B: 给学生写的，要不他毕不了业。
A: 毕不了业就对了！这是他份内的事儿, 叫他自己急去。
B: 问题是他自己不急，还整天跟我抱怨：你做的这个坑爹方向，毕业就是失业。博士
这点工资，起码还饿不着。
A: 嘿，这态度！
B: 这算好的了。先招了个老印。当初看他简历的时候就把我吓了一跳。好嘛，比我会
的还多呐！
A: 有些老印的简历你得悠着看。
B: 我想，至少他们编程应该不差，我正需要个新程序。把他招来了，头一个星期愣是
没见着人。
A: 在家歇着呢？
B: 我也这么问他。他回答说，basically, actually, 他天天来实验室干足九点到五点
。只不过是晚上九点到早上五点。
A: 这样的生活规律啊！
B: 他一堆印度同学都这样的。后来我跟他说，这样不行啊。我要半夜十二点爬起床，
跟太太说去Lab meeting，这不找抽吗？你得跟大家overlap一下。
A: 他听了吗？
B: 听了，效率也挺高，两个月不到就把我的程序编了一半了。
A: 那敢情好，现在早编完了吧？
B: 两个月后就去微软工作去了。
A: 拿你当跳板了！
B: 跳就跳吧，人各有志。印度的不行我又招了个伊朗的。结果三个月没见到人。
A: 又怎么了？
B: 赶上闹恐怖袭击，凡是名叫莫罕默德的一律缓发签证。
A: 这事闹的。
B: 后来为了省事，招本地人吧。先是一个女生，人nice干事又勤快，洗试管打扫卫生
从来不含糊。
A: 多省心！
B: 一到了讲学术，就手捂头，I’m so confused!
A: 那你怎么办？
B: 那就别跟她谈理论了，让她跑老鼠吧。后来发现她挺害怕的，每次动老鼠之前，先
戴一胶皮手套，再套个Oven Gloves，什么lab coat, goggle, mask, 能戴的都戴上。
A: 你不如给她整一宇航服得了！
B: 随便她怎么样了！后来别人给我推荐一本土男生，明星级别的，讲起话来一套接一
套，很有见解和干劲。
A: 这样的学生可难得呀！
B: 可不是嘛！我请他来参观，他还觉得我的技术不够cutting edge，paper没有CNS，
事业只能算mixed success，穷其一生在我研究的这个冷门领域里想独当一面都有点儿
overstretch.
A: 什么乱七八糟的！
B: 问我有没有合作者，我说有，牛着呢！我大师兄，外号什么来着？周星驰破坏之王
里那个空手道大师兄…
A: 断水流？
B: 对，灌水流。
A: 灌水呀！
B: 反正人家比我厉害。
A: 后来怎么样？
B: 后来那学生跟我师兄去了。
A: 白忙活了。
B: 无所谓，想来的多着呢！没几年我就将队伍壮大到十来个。有天我们在Lab meeting
，同事进来借仪器，往里一瞅说，呦，你这儿开联合国会议呢？
A: 搁这儿开了。
B: 我说，少了个别欧盟国家，也谈不成什么大事儿。
A: 真够谦虚的。
B: 最得意的是出去跟工业界合作，说我的研究成果已被翻译成八国语言，我的学生除
了南极洲没有，哪儿都有。
A: 是时候招个企鹅了。
B: 当然也有糟心的时候。本来有两个学生好的跟哥们似的，世界杯踢完就不说话了。
A: 为什么呀？
B: 一个德国，一个阿根廷的。
A: 嗨！
B: 总之人多力量大呀！我的grant是一个接一个拿。之前忙的时候，刚好学校举办国际
美食周。学生抱怨说太忙，没时间去。我说去那儿干嘛？明天中午大家一人带个菜来不
就结了？
A: 他自个儿办上了。不过你这么多学生怎么带呀？
A: 这里有门道了！所谓学生懒，目标短。
B: 这怎么讲？
A: 懒人你给他一终极目标，他一看干不完，就更不干了。你得订好计划，一步步引导。
B: 有道理。
A: 学生油，靠笔头。
B: 这什么意思?
A: 有些学生喜欢夸夸其谈不干活，你得让他把说的都写下来，到时候逐条对证。
B: 够狠的。那要是碰上实在不成器的怎么办？
A: 学生菜，找博后带。
B: 他把包袱踢给博后了！
B: 不过有道是，成也萧何，败也萧何。
A: 怎么回事？
B: 最近赶一个deadline，眼瞅着preliminary data都收集的差不多了，结果数据分析
软件出了毛病，图画不出来，把我急的呀！
A: 是挺可气的！
B: 打电话给软件公司，通话从技术支持转到产品开发部，刚要开始诉苦，发现声音很
熟悉。
A: 谁呀？
B: Basically, actually, 这个软件是那个印度学生写的！
（鞠躬）


==================
basically, actually, 这两个词的“印度味”发音：
北 see 颗 粒 （粒读一声）， 矮 科 说 粒 （粒读一声）。

相声【找工作】

A: 几年不见，您干嘛去了？
B: 去做Intern了。
A: 哎，您不是要当发考题吗？
B: 要当发考题，就得先实习。
A: 没听说过！去哪儿实习了？
B: 大都会农贸市场。
A:  Store manager?
B: Sales representative.
A:  Represent 啥呀？
B: Chinese cabbage.
A: 你卖白菜去了呀？
B: 卖白菜怎么了？
A: 那你都学到了什么？
B: 所谓王婆卖瓜，自卖自夸。要想卖的好，就得会夸.
A: 夸白菜？
B: 夸客户。
A: 夸客户干嘛？
B: 这你不懂了吧？比如说我摊儿上来一拎包的女士，我要是说，买我这白菜吧，新鲜
着呢！她买的概率有五成。
A: 喔。
B: 我要是说，嘿！拎这包的我见的多了，没见过您拎得这么出彩的！
A: 那有几成？
B: 九成。
A: 说得也是。
B: 去Onsite也是这样，虽然是要卖你自己，但你不能老说自己多好，得对人家的学校
有兴趣，对面试你的人的研究感到钦佩。人家才会觉得你真想来！
A: 是这样！
B: 我们同胞经常犯的错误就是，给人感觉不够热情。
A: 这跟我们的文化有关。
B: 但就容易给人误解。当然了，这个research talk也很重要。
A: 讲你的研究成果？
B: 先别急着讲成果，得先提significance。
A: 讲一讲白菜在中国菜中的地位？
B: 那就完了！现在funding这么难， 什么都得往生死攸关的方面扯，比如
translational. 
A:  这白菜跟治病有什么关系？
B: 看你会不会忽悠了。这拨菜叶的动作，就是训练手眼结合，对曾经得过stroke的病
人有康复作用。
A: Physical therapy！
B: 对了。我这白菜还是高纤食品，具有colon cleanse 的作用。这时候插一video。
A: 还带Video的！
B: 现在就兴这个。Video里一人就爱吃白菜猪肉炖粉条，后来白菜不给种了，整天就吃
猪肉炖粉条，没多久就吃出肠胃病来了。
A: 就不能吃点儿别的？这要是爱吃韩国泡菜的，就只能喝辣椒汤了？
B: 保准生痔疮！
A: 扯淡！完了该讲研究成果了吧？
B: 别急呀！还得show一show我的先进methods呢！我这白菜可是基因knock out的
mutant.
A: 听着怪慎人的! 怎么种呢？
B: 种就不算high-tech了！我这是克隆加stem cell regenerate出来的！
A: 什么乱七八糟的！
B: 我研究项目的概述就叫A novel genetic approach combined with bioinformatics
and nanoimaging for Chinese-cabbage regeneration in the treatment of autism
and drug addiction.
A: 这都挨的上嘛！
B: 反正大家反响不错。吃晚饭的时候为了尊重我，特意搞了一桌白菜宴。有白菜吞拿
鱼沙律，白菜Lasagna，忌廉白菜戚风蛋糕。
A: 听着就够了。
B: 还叫了一瓶法国产的1980年的白葡…白菜酒。
A: 好喝吗？
B: 他们也这么问我。我说，嗯… 法国那年一定多雨，不够甜！
A: 真是行家！那您最后offer拿到了吗？
B: 别说offer了，现在连R01都有了！
A: 恭喜呀！只不过这么种…制出来的白菜成本太高了吧？
B: 高是高，但因此也养活了一批生化公司。知道我是从政府拿钱，一瓶农药都卖500刀。
A: 好嘛！什么时候去你那儿参观啦！
B：行啊！带你去看我最先进的Green house里满满的，一排排的茁壮成长的…
A: 大白菜！
B: 罂粟花。
A: 毒品呐！
B: 没听说吗？发考题就是拿着卖白菜的钱，干着卖白粉的活。
A: 去你的吧！
（鞠躬）

重庆野玫瑰，随缘，难得有情人

On Poster Presentation

“I think the first duty of all art, …, is to entertain. That is to say, to hold interest. No matter how worthy the message of something, if it's dull, you're just not communicating. “ (Poul Anderson)

Poster presentation may sometimes bear an “inferior” look compared with oral presentation. Yes, you don’t get that collective attention from dozens or hundreds of people in a quiet room. You can’t play sound or videos to wow your audience, and whoever comes to your poster has the freedom of walking away in any minute. But posters do give you the advance of tailoring your presentation to individual listeners, soliciting candid feedbacks (many people hate asking questions in public), and securing the listeners’ attention since they can’t type on a laptop as they might do during a symposium.

The potentials are there. Though, you may have to work hard to foster them.

1. Familiarity is our enemy.

When people give me a tour of their posters, I almost always ask them to back up. They tend to start like this, “Our goal is to develop a model to explain behavioral data. The first type of model we have tried is …” That’s when I have to step in. “Wait! What kind of behavioral data, in an animal or humans? What part of the brain are you trying to model? What are your input stimuli?” To you, the basic facts are mundane and time-wasting. You try to get to the fun part (your genius experimental design and breakthrough result) before your audience walk away. But without a good understanding of the basics, your audience (God knows what kind of background they may have) will be utterly lost.

This does not mean we should begin a poster with experimental details, though. At the beginning, always give a layman’s description in one or two sentences about the problem you aim to solve. For example, “We are testing a new speech-processing strategy for cochlear-implants to improve spatial hearing.” It’s necessary to draw a big picture first, because the last poster they went to could’ve been a genetic study on Parkinson’s disease. Note that this example differs from “Our goal is to develop a model to explain behavioral data.” The latter opens up too many possibilities that will just bemuse your listeners.

In fact, a guidance sentence should precede the description of each figure. You think the shape of the plot matters, but your audience might be studying the maximum amplitudes. Tell them what to look for at the beginning. Every figure should serve a clear purpose and contribute to the final conclusions. If you can’t come up with a definite purpose, or you find yourself constantly omitting the figure during presentation, it probably shouldn’t be there.

Similar to the layman’s description, try to avoid terminologies and abbreviations that are only meaningful to people in your field, even though you’ve defined them on the poster. Even when you are talking to an expert, one who might have invented that term, being explicit will not be taken as an insult. I frequently find myself missing the presenter’s points when my eyes are searching on the poster for the definition of an abbreviation, such as “CS” (mind you, it doesn’t mean computer science.)

2. More words, fewer words.

There are debates on the appropriate amount of text that should appear on a poster. Some argue there is no need to put more than minimal descriptions on a poster when you can explain everything to your audience. Nobody will read it. But others point out that, if you have to walk away from your poster, sufficient information can guide your visitors to navigate through the study on their own. My experience is, you don’t have to write a lot of words to tell a story once you’ve learned how to write efficiently. When people write in paragraphs, rather than in bulletins, they tend to narrate in the same way they do with papers. Say, first you describe previous studies and bring out a hypothesis. Then you begin the second paragraph with “To test whether or not our hypothesis can explain previous findings …” Think about it, isn’t this obvious? It’s perfectly fine in formal writing, but for a poster, anything that exists solely for a literary purpose and doesn’t add information should be left out. Another trick is to use narrow fonts, such as Arial Narrow. When you write in columns, sometimes there are only a few words spreading each line. Using a narrow font not only squeezes more words in the same space without decreasing the readability, but also eases the reading since your eyes don’t have to keep switching lines like an old-fashioned typewriter.

Even if you decide to err on conciseness, having a somewhat detailed conclusion is always a good idea (and you’d be surprised at the number of posters that don’t actually have a summary or conclusion section). In the absence of a presenter, I usually read the conclusions first. For example, if the conclusion says A is better than B, even though it may not make any sense yet, when I study the figures subsequently, I’ll keep that piece of information in mind, and try to make my own judgment. In short, I know what to look for. Otherwise, it’s hard to figure out what a figure tries to convey without a long written description alongside, unless the audience is very familiar with the topic.

Speaking of conclusions, many presenters forget to verbally summarize the study at the end of the tour. They may have explained the results clearly and do not feel the need of repetition. Well, this goes back to the familiarity issue. Keep in mind that your listener has a lot of information to absorb in a few minutes, including the results, but also your methods, your way of thinking, how your results may link to their own research, and even the meaning of your colors (for God’s sake please mark clearly on the figures what each line or color or panel stands for; in a noisy ballroom not every listener will hear you description). Their brains have been kept so busy that, by the time you’ve finished the last figure, they might have forgotten what the previous results were, or even why you needed to do the study in the first place. Give a summary. Articulate your conclusions. Nobody will complain about hearing the main points one more time however you feel they are obvious or redundant.

3. Don’t sell easily.

Some meetings have traditional oral presentations, poster sessions, as well as multiple brief oral presentations called Poster Teasers. It’s not a widely adopted form yet, but I’m observing a trend. Some presenters will come to the front of the room and say, we are studying a tough topic, and guess what? Bang! Here is our finding. Impressed? Yes, but then we don’t need to come to your poster anymore. The best one I’ve heard did this, “Here are two types of stimuli. They look similar, right? But our data shows they can cause very different responses. Want to know what the difference is? Come to Poster Number X.”

In novel writing, this is called suspense. Whenever you feel you can’t put a book down (or walk away from a poster), I can tell you that suspense is working. Whether you are giving a public speech, a poster, or writing a paper, it never hurts to introduce a little bit of suspense at the beginning. It doesn’t need to be a long-lived myth. For example, in one of the examples above, I said if we know A > B in advance, we can keep it in mind while studying the figures. There is no suspense there. If you, the presenter, have the opportunity of talking people through your poster, you should take the advantage. Tell them that some evidence points at A>B, and other seems to support the opposite. The reality is? (Don’t give it easily.) Let’s find out together. As you describe the figures along, you might see your listeners nodding involuntarily as they approach the correct answer.

4. Speak with confidence.

One advice we sometimes receive is to know your audience briefly before you start, so that you can decide how much background to be provided. Overall, it’s a sound strategy, but don’t do it excessively. Some presenters would constantly pause and ask, “How much do you know about this concept? Do I need to explain it? Are you familiar with this? Am I too fast/slow/general/concrete?” Being overly interactive breaks the flow of your story and is, frankly, quite annoying. It also gives a false impression that you are, in general, not a resolute person. This is your poster. You decide what or what not to be included. If people are confused, they can ask.

Due to the nature of posters, many studies are presented before they are ready to be peer-reviewed, if not prematurely. This should be considered as an advantage, because suggestions are most helpful during an early phase of a study. Yet we frequently hear apologies among the presentation, “We believe our finding is real, but as you can see (or we wouldn’t have mentioned it), so far we only have a small sample size.” Then they would go on and on venting on the difficulty in training their animals or recording from a particular cell type. Well, what do you expect the audience to say? If you are uncomfortable with your sample size, simply pointing it out is enough. We don't weigh a poster similarly as we do with a published paper.  If a year later you still don’t have enough data to reach statistical significance, it’s your own problem.

5. The dreaded networking.

Scientists tend to think they are horrible at networking. This is a misconception because networking isn’t something that only occurs at cocktail parties. When you present science, you are also presenting yourself. And for scientists, relationships originating from common research interests are more pleasant and sustainable than other forms of acquaintance. Just like in any type of social network, people cherish their interactions with those who are superior to or simply more experienced than themselves. Nothing wrong with that. However, when giving a poster to a group of people, treating your customers equally should be considered as a golden doctrine.

I’ve noticed that some researchers, especially juniors, ironically, only enjoy presenting to experts in their fields, and consider it a waste of time to explain basic facts to “outsiders”, probably with the notion that the latter may never cite their papers or review their grants. My experience is, sometimes you get the most useful feedback from people who you think have no idea about your topic. If you narrow your vision, you are going to narrow your path. Besides, think about what happens ten or fifteen years later. Those big names are going to retire, and that humble graduate student standing in front of you may well become your peer. Friend or enemy, you are planting the seed. People usually have good memories on those kinds of things.

When I took my new job, my chair handed me a box of name cards. I thought I’d never use any of them. I’m not a business woman. But it can be convenient when you ask the presenter to send you an electronic copy. With the formality of a card, it also assures people that you aren’t popping up from nowhere. Same thing with clothing. We are scientists. Scientists are allowed to dress casually. That’s how Hollywood pictures us as “science nerds”, right? But it never hurts to look nice. It’s a sign that you value what you are doing and conveys a sense of self-respect. At least be tidy. At least don’t “stand out” from an already casually-dressed group. If you don’t think you deserve a $20 haircut, nor will anyone else.

Always thank the presenter for spending the time, and praise the work unless you truly dislike it. Don’t be afraid that doing so may briefly interrupt his conversation with another audience. I’ve never seen a compliment being resented. If the presenter likes your feedback and shows an interest in your research, introduce yourself. Shake hands. If the presenter happens to be a student in a lab you are familiar with, and if there aren’t other people waiting to talk to the student, don’t just listen and go. Ask about the lab, the PI, previous lab members. Ask the student how long he has been there. What the near-future plan is. Show that you care. It takes only a minute, and don’t do this only when the student is also a Chinese. Behave like a family, and before long you’ll have a family.

At a conference, there are also occasions away from formal presentations. What do you say when people ask about your research? Our college recently organized a Collaboration Forum, sort of like a “group dating”. They invited people from outside the college and randomly assigned groups of five or six researchers, hoping to create “chemistry”. I doubt it has resulted in any real relationship, but I enjoyed observing people’s presentation skills. After one guy mentioned that he studies Information, which could’ve been a boring topic, he immediately dived into lively examples, such as how CEOs know they’ve collected enough trial feedback before releasing a new product. I bet I’ll remember his research ten years from now.

Another guy studies computer science. He deals with big data, has countless collaborators and student projects, but other than that I know nothing. When it’s too general, it’s meaningless. Consider how novelists create characters that long live in the reader’s head. “Begin with an individual, and before you know it you have created a type; begin with a type, and you find you have created - nothing.” (F. Scott Fitzgerald) Yes, all of your projects are important. To you. For others, they aren’t. Never as interesting as what they themselves do. So pick one highlight when people ask about your research, and if you can imprint it in their heads, call it a success.

All right, enough rambling. At least enough for the moment. If you have just returned from a wonderful presentation, keep the passion alive and finish the experiment or write up the paper. They say, “Don’t let the grass grow under your feet!”

“Or on your head,” I added.

Quotes on Writing

• So this is always the key: you have to write the book you love, the book that's alive in your heart. That's the one you have to write. ~ Lurleen McDaniel
• Write what you want to read. The person you know best in this world is you. Listen to yourself. If you are excited by what you are writing, you have a much better chance of putting that excitement over to a reader. ~ Robin McKinley
• Art suffers the moment other people start paying for it. The more you need the money, the more people will tell you what to do. The less control you will have. The more bullshit you will have to swallow. The less joy it will bring. Know this and plan accordingly. ~ Hugh Macleod
• It's about what YOU are going to do with the short time you have left on this earth. ~ Hugh Macleod
• Nobody can tell you if what you're doing is good, meaningful or worthwhile. The more compelling the path, the more lonely it is. ~ Hugh Macleod

ROSETTA is Ready!

"Rosetta is a robotic space probe built and launched by the European Space Agency to perform a detailed study of comet 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko with both an orbiter and lander module." -Wikipedia

Well, that's their Rosetta, which will land on the comet on Nov 12, 2014. Here is mine.

Amazon link (free from Nov 6 to Nov 10):

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00P9RTS5M

First Chapter:

Chapter 1   The Comet

“Rose, I need to talk to you.” Leo appeared at the door with an open folder.

“I’m leaving for the day.” Rose logged out the computer and briefly organized her desk. It was related to the donation, she knew.

“About the Rosetta project …” Leo looked down at his folder and frowned. He had a sophisticated look when he frowned—she admitted—with neatly parted and moussed hair, well-kept figure, and the slick sport jacket that must have cost him a fortune. Yet whenever she saw him, the name of a four-limb reptile would pop up in her head, lizard.

“We’ve given them seventy-five million over the past few years. Seventy-five million! My lady. And I just saw you added more last week. Why, why do we have to do this?”

“You asked the wrong person.” Rose checked her handbag one more time to make sure the envelope was still there before she left her desk. She was a tall woman with springy curls and dark blue eyes—eyes in which men had claimed to see moons and stars, while she enjoyed staring back at them from the same level. “It’s from our Nebular Budget. Part of Nick’s will.”

“Nick, my dear Nick. Yeah, I know it’s for science, but we are a profit company, and …” He paused as an ambiguous smile crept up his face. “I’ve heard rumors …”

“Whatever rumor you’ve heard, I can tell you it’s true.” Having been a widow for five years, Rose had learned that the most effective way to stop gossip was to acknowledge it immediately.

Though, this time the rumor was true, indeed.

She made no stop when she walked past him. It was five thirty, but through the frosted glass door ahead she could still make out people’s moving silhouettes in the hallway. Most of her employees would not leave before she did.

“Come on, Rose!” Leo followed her. “They’ll be there tonight. It’ll be over soon—thank God! We don’t have to do this anymore, do we?”

“Speaking of rumors …” Rose turned back abruptly, her eyes narrowing. “Are you the one who’s been proposing to spend some of the money on a movie instead? A movie that’s been rated NC-17?”

He looked away. “I thought it might be worth …”

“I don’t want my company to be known that way. What’s that woman’s name? The so-called plastic queen?”

“All right, all right.” Leo retreated with his hands up. “Fine, Rose. It’s your company, your money, your call!”

She resumed walking, not wanting to be with that guy—lizard!—for another second. Were he not Nick’s cousin she would have gotten rid of him long ago.

Before she opened the door to the hallway, her secretary caught her up.

“Ms. Melandroinno, Mr. Perez is wondering if you would like to have dinner with him tonight.”

“I’m going to the Dipper. You knew that.”

November twelfth. That was the day she had to be there.

“Yes, but Mr. Perez said he would be truly disappointed if you turn down his invitation.”

“Then wish him better luck next time.”

* * *

“That’s it!” Matt exclaimed. “Right there! Look at its coma. It’s so pretty!”

Devin smiled, resting in his chair and watching the first-timer pacing in front of a window in the bridge of Rosetta. Whenever he saw Matt, he was reminded of his honeymoon in Italy twenty-seven years ago. All those young men full of passion, with their neck-length dark hair, polished manners, and an aura of readiness to break into a dragon-guarded castle at any minute for the rescue of his captive princess.

It’s good to be young—Devin continued his thought—when you have all the potentials to discover new worlds and have your name printed in textbooks. Devin was no longer young, despite the agility of his mind and the sturdiness of his body. It had more to do with the heart.

“I’ll go get dressed!” Matt vanished from Devin’s view while his words were still wafting in the air.

Devin walked over to where Matt had been standing and peered outside. Right now they were halfway in between Earth’s and Mars’s orbits. Since the ship and Comet 195F were flying toward each other, the distance was quickly diminishing. The plan was to skirt to the back of the comet and approach it from behind.

And then what? Devin sighed, rubbing his short straight hair and subconsciously wondering when it would all turn gray. Or fall out. Since his last fruitless mission to Planet Mullos 17b five years ago, there was no question that he had begun fading out from NASA’s hot missions, like those projects related to the exploitation of extraterritorial resources. And from the public’s eyes. This wasn’t the first time for mankind to step onto a comet, and they’d just had the famous Colossus last year and the Fireball four years ago. Devin and his colleagues were sent here mainly because Comet 195F had a period of twenty-five hundred years, and people didn’t want to “miss anything”.  With a longitudinal dimension of only 2.2 km, Comet 195F had nothing exciting and did not even deserve a name.

But that was okay. Devin left the bridge and headed to his cabin. Now that the girls were gone for college, he didn’t mind spending more time at home with Tracy.

* * *

An hour later he and Matt were waiting at the front hatch of the ship, fully dressed in their spacesuits. In between them stood the lander, which more or less resembled a large metal suitcase with extra handles here and there. Devin bent over and checked the tethers connecting their spacesuits to the lander.

“Do we have to be chained all the time?” Matt said through the intercom, pointing at the maneuvering units attached to their backs. Once they landed they had been advised not to detach the tethers over the entire duration of the mission, because of the comet’s low escape velocity.

“Even if we escape,” Matt continued, “we shall be able to fly back.”

“I think it’s better to stick to the rules,” Devin replied. During his thirty years’ career as an astronomer, he had learned enough lessons from colleagues who had failed to take proper caution.

After the inner hatch had been lifted, they rolled the lander over to the exit. Connor checked with them briefly through the intercom to make sure that everything was all right. Then the inner hatch was resealed at their back before the outer hatch slid to the side.

“Now I’m going to turn off the gravity,” said Connor. “Are you guys ready?”

“Yes,” Devin and Matt said, each holding one side of the lander.

As soon as the artificial gravity disappeared, Devin pushed a button on the handle, and the lander began running forward at a preset speed. The comet was right ahead of them, rotating slowly as it headed in the direction of the sun. It wasn’t Devin’s first time to travel in outer space this way, but after a while, he began feeling disoriented. He almost suggested to Matt that they went back to the ship and took a break. Maybe drinking some water would help. But sensing how anxious the young man was to proceed and trying not to appear weak in front of a junior colleague, he decided to press on. Fortunately the condition quickly went away.

As they drew near, Devin knew they had also started orbiting the comet, based on the way the star-field background was shifting, even though he could hardly recognize his body movement. In the absence of gravity, humans’ perception of motion was strange and unreliable, to say the least.

It’ll be over soon, he said to himself, wishing that the earlier disorientation was not a sign of age.

* * *

“Hmm, it’s more regular than I had expected.” Matt said as they were carried along by the lander. “Almost symmetrical.”

Staring at the comet nucleus ahead, Devin agreed. He hadn’t been to one before, but he’d seen pictures. They may resemble gigantic rocks on Earth, but their surfaces were usually rougher because of the lack of weathering and erosion in outer space, except for the solar wind they had to put up with every time they came close to the sun. The surface of the comet in front of them, however, was quite smooth. Overall, it looked like a filled basin attached with a long handle. And as an astronomer, Devin couldn’t help thinking of …

“I’d like to name it Dipper,” said Matt.

Exactly! It reminded Devin of the Big Dipper.

As they got closer to the comet, Devin sensed a readjustment of their speed and direction. With a sensor embedded in its front, the lander constantly modified its motion according to the current surface image and its location relative to the comet. Eventually it would “lock” to the exact spot they had chosen for landing and gradually pull up the distance.

For a while, the two had nothing to do but hold on to the handles of the lander. Then without warning, the dizziness struck Devin back, and the blood in his legs seemed to have been drained off. To distract himself from fretting about his physical condition, Devin tried to start a conversation.

“So why did you choose this project, Matt? I heard they initially asked you to join the Phoebe No. 6.”

In fact, if Devin had met him earlier, he would have talked him into taking the mining project. As a beginner, one was always advised to get in the most promising line of missions.

 “I came here because of you,” Matt said, turning slightly to look at Devin. “You’re my role model, Devin. I’ve always wanted to learn from you.”

Really? Devin made no reply. He wondered if he deserved the young man’s worship. Nevertheless, Matt’s words seemed to have abated his sickness.

“Ur, Devin, do you mind if I ask …” Matt suddenly sounded hesitant. “About that rumor, is … is it true?”

It took Devin a while to figure out what he was talking about. “Of course not.”

People were hopeless, Devin reflected, or maybe they were just jealous. Soon after the project had taken off, they began receiving donations from a biotech company. And he remembered going out to dinner with the donor once—normally Kenton was the one who dealt with those kinds of things, but he had a family emergency that night. Anyway, Devin couldn’t even recall what she looked like. Rose McLand … Melandroinno. She was a tall woman; that was all he remembered. Over the years that company had been quite generous to their project. Almost loyal. That was indeed a little offbeat, considering the obscurity of this mission. But that was it. Nothing like what his colleagues had speculated.

“Devin,” Connor’s voice sounded in the intercom. “You’ll be landing in about five minutes.”

Devin pushed another button on the handle. An “umbrella” stuck out of the front of the lander and expanded into four legs. Two minutes later, they were only a dozen yards away from the surface. A harpoon shot out from the lander and plunged into the surface. As the cable connecting the harpoon and the lander shortened, Devil felt as if he were a kite being gradually pulled back to the ground. Soon he and Matt were resting on the surface of the comet, while the lander beside them wasted no time drilling and sampling.

“Can you imagine we are sitting on something that hasn’t been touched for billions of years?” Matt’s voice quivered.

Devin smiled. He remembered being as excited as Matt was when he first stepped onto an extraterritorial land. After all, how many humans had the opportunity to do that? Space tourism was getting popular, but still not affordable to most people. As he aged, however, he had started appreciating his daily life more than his job. Yes, we may not see that comet again for the rest of our life, but so may not with the friend to whom we said farewell on an ordinary day.

“We have the surface temperature,” he heard Matt saying. The lander had a touch panel to display the results as soon as they became available.  “Seventy-nine Fahrenheit.”

They were on the dark side of the comet. Devin reckoned the temperature must have exceeded a hundred Fahrenheit on the sunlit side.

He rose up and wandered on the surface, unable to go too far due to the restraint of the tether. He walked past a few rocky areas and arrived at a soil-like spot. Stooping, he fumbled inside a pocket on his pants and fetched out a portable drill. The lander must be doing a better job than he was, but he’d like to get a feel of it. That was why they sent humans here, wasn’t it?

At first, the drill bored into the soil easily. Then he sensed some abnormal vibrations and switched it off. Slowly, he pulled out the drill and examined it. Something was coiling around the drill bit. He turned on his headlight and carefully unraveled it. The cord-like thing had a textured skin. Pliable, but sturdy. Kind of like a tree root …

“We got the soil composition!” Matt’s announcement almost startled him.

Devin tucked the thing in another pocket and turned to the direction of Matt, who was bending over the lander and reading the panel.

“Silicates, carbonates, water, metal sulfides …” Matt stopped abruptly, his posture freezing.

Devin swallowed hard. He wasn’t sure about the exact items on the rest of the list, but he had a feeling that Matt’s assertion about them visiting a place that hadn’t been touched for billions of years was incorrect.

“Amino acids and proteins.”